NEVER Do This Drunk!

Throw up on the grocery store floor...

Shave your cat...

Do #1 in the litter box...

Put beer in the pet food bowl...

Put your hand in the tree chipper...

Put your genitalia in the tree chipper...

Put someone else's genitalia in the tree chipper...

Challenge the cops to a drag race...

Punch out the officers...

Pee in the breathalyzer...

Pee on the cop with the breathalyzer...

Pee on the Thanksgiving turkey... (real life example)...

Pee on the TV...

Pee on the subway tracks...***WHAMMO!!!***

Play emperor and the slave girl and pass out...

Play emperor and the slave boy and pass out...

Dress up like Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman...

Pee yourself while reading TopTen List on Letterman...

Put dumb lists like this on Twitter...

Compete in Olympic events...  EXCEPT curling...

Play with your shotgun...

Play with your cannon... (real life example)...

Try to steal a fire hydrant...

Make love to a horse... (real life example)...

Drive a #Toyota... (cross-reference)...

Bit.ly: http://bit.ly/coSxaZ

The "Real" Meaning of Valentine's Day

Image licensed under Creative Commons by riptheskull

The "Real" Meaning of Valentine's Day:

Her: He's taking me to JARED!!!

Him: She's taking me to CABELA's!!!

Later in life -

Her: Roses and chocolate???  Where's the diamond you *ssh*le !?!?

Him: Honey, can we have a thr**some?

Bit.ly: http://bit.ly/dr9tmA

Hand-Me-Sideways

Image licensed under Creative Commons by a shadow of my future self

Hand-Me-Sideways: Like hand-me-downs, but only in a lateral transition. We recently heard of someone cleaning out their closets, similar to our age, so now we have some hand-me-sideways clothing. Don't put that in the trash - somebody needs it...